TARBIYAH METHODOLOGY INCLUDES:
2. Name calling, ridiculing, shaming, empathising, supporting unnecessarily, interrogation, jokes which hurt other people are all communication Roadblocks.
3. Warning, admonishing, threatening destroys our relationship with our children. Exhorting, moralising, preaching, ethical lense of judging people, weighing out and then explaining, advising and giving solutions should not come too quick!
Truth doesn't need us, we need truth.
Do not leave our good habits for other people’s sake. Non-issues can be made a huge issue by making an issue out of them. Arguments in a family are usually love oriented usually when perceptions are different.
Neither we focus on 'life after death.' Nor we pay an “opportunity cost” for Deen. We do not have 'Love and Fear for Allah' that is why we are not ready to pay the opportunity cost for deen.
When we are controlling everyone in relationships, we are focused on (Duniyawee) materialistic gains. Controlling others seems very powerful yet temporary.
Other’s children are also our children. We can also guide them with love and care.There is a lack of community which works for Togetherness, establishing Nourishing Traditions & Tarbiyah of children. People would genuinely care about other children and their parents would not mind as well. This is not on material things, this is on values too. Thinking about and correcting a neighbour's child nowadays is impossible. Because people are over protective of their children.
When homeschooling, Do not explain to people why we are not sending our children to school? Do not doubt anyone’s intention. “I know you love my child, I am working on my child right now”
2. REFLECTIVE CONVERSATIONS (what, why how to talk to children?)
A conversation that promotes reflections, it's a meaningful talk between people which could make them feel & think what to do. Minimum time to have Reflective conversations with a child can be roughly is 30 minutes. This totally excludes backbiting, shopping, materialistic brand talks.
Two people conversate, listening, ‘thinking’ & talking. Talk about ourselves, our actions, our feelings, improve our understanding, question things, think over and ponder on things. For example; discuss an advertisement on Coke, and think how can drinking Coke make us muscular?
Deeper reflections mean nurturing intellectual growth.
Why should we engage children in intellectual reflective conversations?
So their imaginations, deeds, and actions can be magnified in the eyes of Allah.
So, they think about the consequences of their deeds. We engage children in reflective conversations to built their Character. Human beings are Intellectually and emotionally stronger beings who use their multiple intelligences, to prepare and use the mind for higher order functioning.
If we only think about what to eat, what to wear? We are not using our brain to its full potential. Our brain is made to think deeper on small things.
Higher order functioning depends on the ability to reason, imagine and reflect.
3. SELF ACCOUNTABILITY
How can we inculcate Self-accountability in our children?
If a child is coming to us to talk out we should listen to him rather than ordering him. Instructions & criticising do not play a good role in communication.
REASSURING, SYMPATHISING, CONSOLING A CHILD: When a child is frightened and comes to us with intense feelings. His feelings need acknowledgement. First acknowledge his feelings. Hear him out, this is a need of this child. Sometimes consoling him with just “hmmm haaan” is enough. This much response without being emotional is needed here.
Then after few hours or days, when he is left on his internal judgement, his thought process tells him whether his feelings were okay? too emotional?
ORDERING AND DIRECTING will not help him analyse his own-feelings. In order to boost his self-analysis & intellectual thinking we should prevent giving solutions. This helps a child to take decisions in his practical life.
CONVERSATIONS should be plentiful. Observe him, ask him, talk about good memories. We cannot set a fixed time for “reflective conversations” but we can have a Family Time for meaningful conversations.