TARBIYAH METHODOLOGY INCLUDES:

1. RELATIONSHIPS
2. REFLECTIVE CONVERSATIONS
3. SELF ACCOUNTABILITY 

 

1. RELATIONSHIPS

“Preaching, lecturing, judging, blaming, praising, agreeing with everything” are examples of communication Roadblock. Name calling, ridiculing, shaming, empathising, supporting unnecessarily, interrogation, jokes which hurt other people are all communication Roadblocks. Warning, admonishing, threatening destroys our relationship with our children. Exhorting, moralising, preaching, ethical lense of judging people, weighing out and then explaining, advising and giving solutions should not come too quick! 
Truth doesn't need us, we need truth. Do not leave our good habits for other people’s sake. Non-issues can be made huge by making an issue out of them. Arguments in a family are usually love oriented. Only the perceptions are different.
We do not focus on life after death. We do not pay an “opportunity cost” for Deen. We do not have Love and Fear for Allah that is why we are not ready to pay the opportunity cost for deen.
When we are controlling everyone in relationships, we are focused on (Duniyawee) materialistic gains. Controlling others seems very powerful yet temporary. 
Other’s children are also our children. We can also guide them with love and care.There is a lack of community which works for Togetherness, establishing Nourishing Traditions & Tarbiyah of children. People would genuinely care about other children and their parents would not mind as well. This is not on material things, this is on values too. Thinking about and correcting a neighbour's child nowadays is impossible. Because people are over protective of their children. 
When homeschooling, Do not explain to people why we are not sending our children to school? Do not doubt anyone’s intention. “I know you love my child, I am working on my child right now”

2. REFLECTIVE CONVERSATIONS  (what, why how to talk to children?)
A conversation that promotes reflections, it's a meaningful talk between people which could make them feel & think what to do. Minimum time to have Reflective conversations with a child can be roughly is 30 minutes. This totally excludes backbiting, shopping, materialistic brand talks.
Two people conversate, listening, ‘thinking’ & talking. Talk about ourselves, our actions, our feelings, improve our understanding, question things, think over and ponder on things. For example; discuss an advertisement on Coke, and think how can drinking Coke make us muscular?
Deeper reflections mean nurturing intellectual growth. 
Why should we engage children in intellectual reflective conversations?
So their imaginations, deeds, and actions can be magnified in the eyes of Allah.
So, they think about the consequences of their deeds. We engage children in reflective conversations to built their Character. Human beings are Intellectually and emotionally stronger beings who use their multiple intelligences, to prepare and use the mind for higher order functioning. 
If we only think about what to eat, what to wear? We are not using our brain to its full potential. Our brain is made to think deeper on small things. 
Higher order functioning depends on the ability to reason, imagine and reflect.

3. SELF ACCOUNTABILITY
How can we inculcate Self-accountability in our children?
If a child is coming to us to talk out we should listen to him rather than ordering him. Instructions & criticising do not play a good role in communication. 
 REASSURING, SYMPATHISING, CONSOLING A CHILD: When a child is frightened and comes to us with intense feelings. His feelings need acknowledgement. First acknowledge his feelings. Hear him out, this is a need of this child. Sometimes consoling him with just “hmmm haaan” is enough. This much response without being emotional is needed here.
Then after few hours or days, when he is left on his internal judgement, his thought process tells him whether his feelings were okay? too emotional? 
ORDERING AND DIRECTING will not help him analyse his own-feelings. In order to boost his self-analysis & intellectual thinking we should prevent giving solutions. This helps a child to take decisions in his practical life. 
CONVERSATIONS should be plentiful. Observe him, ask him, talk about good memories. We cannot set a fixed time for “reflective conversations” but we can have a Family Time for meaningful conversations.





 

Whenever my children ask me a question about Allah, the sun and earth, about cities, food, animals, babies, I note them in a diary. Do my research and explain them. I never follow a coursebook for Science, we create real projects perhaps a diorama, raise caterpillars, grow vegetables in the kitchen garden, make rainbows with mirrors. Children love project-based learning. As a Pharmacist, we have done Project-based learning in Pharmacology laboratory. I remember I injected a guinea pig with a sedative, and he never woke up! I killed him due to overdosing it. I can never forget the effects of drugs which I have practically witnessed on myself. To my surprise, we are educated enough to take ‘side-effects’ normal and not apprehensive of their long-term effects.
I remember the drug Thalidomide, it was hailed as a "wonder drug" to treat conditions such as insomnia, morning sickness and depression in pregnant women and licensed in the UK in 1958. But it was withdrawn again in late 1961 after an Australian doctor identified an increase in the number of deformed babies born in his hospital and found that all of the mothers involved had used the drug. By then around 10,000 babies had been born worldwide who either had shortened arms or legs, or no limbs at all. All controls, research-based evidence and science behind this was recorded yet no one knew was havoc it will play with human life. At times, even doctors are under so much pressure to follow the FDA regulations that they cannot practice medicine with their own understanding of drugs and human body. I look at them as conventional children, caged. What is the point of being educated if we cannot behave like one?
Allah says in the Quran, "If the sea were ink for [writing] the words of my Lord, the sea would be exhausted before the words of my Lord were exhausted, even if We brought the like of it in [continual] supplement." (Al-Kahf [18] : 109)
Allah says that even if those oceans were ink for the Words of Allah, and all the trees were pens, the pens would be broken and the water of the sea would run dry, and the Words of Allah would remain, for nothing can outlast them. For no one can comprehend the greatness of Allah or praise Him as He deserves to be praised, except the One Who praises Himself.

Our Lord is as He says He is and He is beyond what we can say.

The blessings of this world, the beginning and end of it, in comparison to the blessings of the Hereafter, are like a mustard seed compared to the entire world.
Ar-Rabi` bin Anas said,
"The parable of the knowledge of all of mankind, in comparison to the knowledge of Allah, is that of a drop of water in comparison to all of the oceans."
Hence, the true outcome of Project Based Learning is to understand our Lord, the Great Majesty.  Humanbeings reach a higher spirituality by knowing the uloom (of Duniya or Divine uloom). In the end he discovers there is a Creator who created these Uloom, they cannot exists on their own. And if that Creator made them, He has made them for a purpose. If we find out through this learning journey what Allah uz Jal wants from us? This will be one big achievement in identifying false gods around us.
Such an education which build our bond with Allah, is the right beneficial knowledge! seeking this, is Ebadah (worship) and struggling in this path is Salvation to Allah. 

 I was shocked to see how information was handled by the bigger social media platforms and how many of the covid videos were deleted or removed in the name of ‘misinformation.’ Our Shiekh Omar Balouch’s videos on Covid19 were taken down by Youtube, he said he is convinced that the whole censorship of Covid, 5G on the internet and other ‘actions’ taken to hide information in the name of misinformation, raises a Question in itself, why? We are not stopping anyone from taking the vaccine, or stopping people from using 5G. Then what is the fear? Those who need the vaccine are anyway the first ones in the line.

An American child under 6 years of age receives some 64 doses of childhood vaccines. How largely illnesses such as chicken pox reduce the risk of brain cancer, while vaccines increase the risk of Shingles. Measles as a kid reduces risk of heart diseases, arthritis and allergies as adults (reference; Vaccines, Autoimmunity & Childhood illnesses by Dr Tom Cowan) Some of the illnesses in the past, like chicken pox & Leprosy) were always considered contagious. And pharmaceutical companies have advertised for their vaccinations since 300 years the same way as they did for mass vaccination for covid “roll up your sleeves, or grandma will get sick because of you”
 Reading Ahadeeth on Leprosy cleared my concepts of contagion in Islam.
It is related from ʿUmar bin al-Khaṭṭāb (RA) that he used to drink from the same spot on the same vessel from which Muʿayqīb—his companion who had leprosy— would drink from, doing this on purpose in order to repel notions of contagion from his mind. ʿAbd Allāh bin Jaʿfar bin Abī Ṭālib said: “For I have seen ʿUmar bin al-Khāṭṭāb call for a vessel in which there was water, and Muʿayqīb would drink from it—and this disease [of leprosy] had taken hold in him—then he [ʿUmar] would drink from it, and would deliberately place his mouth on the same spot [of the vessel] where [Muʿayqīb had placed his] mouth, knowing he was doing so because he disliked that anything of [belief in] contagion should enter into his soul.”

- 7 Al-Tamhīd (1/53-55), Ibn Saʿd in al-Ṭabaqāt (4/109-111), al-Siyar (2/491-492).

I was thinking about this narration and checked it scientifically, surprisingly found it on CDC website:

https://www.cdc.gov/leprosy/index.html 

Leprosy was once feared as a highly contagious and devastating disease, but now we know it doesn’t spread easily and treatment is very effective.
You cannot get leprosy from a casual contact with a person who has this disease like

Shaking hands or hugging
Sitting next to each other on the bus 
Sitting together at a meal


Rather it was spread by vaccines
“Leprosy arose with vaccination.” —Sir Ronald Martin, MD, 1868
I have seen leprosy and syphilis communicated by vaccination. Leprosy is becoming very common in Trinidad; its increase being coincident with vaccination.” —Dr. Hall Bakewell, Vaccinator General of Trinidad, 1868

Today’s world view on “contagion” is so contagious that people suffering from paranoias and OCDs are rising. But my 5 years studying Childhood illnesses and vaccinations, ahadiths from Authentic sources have wiped away all my fears of getting sick or causing someone sick! Allhumdulillah.
The very famous documentary "Vaxxed" was deleted off social media during pandemic. Which depicted a chilling & far more nuanced depiction of vaccines than you will ever encounter in the mainstream media. 
I will discuss in another blog, how largely benign illness like Chicken Pox reduces the risk of brain cancer, while the vaccine increases the risk of shingles...To be continued InshaaAllah

​This might have been our passport (before British Empire LOL) The British colonized indo-pak for 87yrs!!! Thus our slavery to English. I remember in The Last Khalifa (Sultan Abdul Hamid) Drama Payitaht, a zionist guy says "I wish I had Ottoman passport."
​Talking about History, I believe a lot of History before British Empire has been controlled & regulated. A few Nations have preserved History which is not taught in books. How was the Islamic caliphate broken? Endless deceptions to get hold of the lands in Jerusalem. How were the petroleum companies monopolized by the European nations? Infestation of Western civilization in Muslim youth and uprising of freedom to break the caliphate. 150 years old history of the Last caliph of Muslims (Ottomans) Sultan Abdul Hamid went missing from our schools. There is a chapter in Grade 4 of Qatar History book endorsed by the Qatari government stating how Arabs fought against Mehmed Pasha (the few lasts of Ottoman khalifah ruling this region) and got its ‘State of Qatar’ recognized by the Queen Elizabeth of UK in the 18th Century. The British promised them a civilization, machinery to dig out Black-gold and they fell to the bribes. The biggest traitor to the Ottomans was the King of Jordan, Abdullah I bin al-Husayn (1882-1951). During World War 1, he played a role in secret negotiations with UK that led to The Great Arab Revolt against the Ottoman rule that was led by his father Sharif Hussein, Abdullah personally led guerilla raid on garrisons. Arab revolt was the uprising of Arab forces against the Turks, an agreement between the British government and Hussein bin Ali was signed. The McMahon–Hussein Correspondences a series of letters that were exchanged during World War I in which the Government of the United Kingdom agreed to recognize Arab independence after the war in exchange for the Sharif of Mecca launching the Arab Revolt against the Ottoman Empire. The correspondence had a significant influence on Middle Eastern history during and after the war; a dispute over Palestine continued thereafter. It gives a trivial clue of how Arabs bought British weapons to kill Turks (brothers in Islam), probably justified by their scholars that killing Muslims who do shirk (sufism) is Halaal. Thus, the hatred for sufism (Turks) and Shiaism is so evident in GCC to the verge that hating their own Muslim brother more than the kufaar is the norm in madaris. My point is the ‘other side of History’ which is not covered in British / American Curriculum of History is not known! Ottoman Empire is a reality of Islamic history. They rose after the fall of Arab Abassid Caliphate. We find books in QNL (Qatar National Library) on Genghis Khan as our hero but not Osman Gazi. We have books on ‘Why Saddam Hussein was a bad leader?’ written by foreigners, whereas there are still Iraqies who love Saddam. We, the diligent people have not written our Islamic history for our children, rather following the herd. We are the system, and we need to reform this system---BiizinAllah.

We as adults have made children ‘unique humans with exceptional needs,’ sometimes for our own comfort too we separate children’s places from adult’s places. Children eating areas with special small chairs and tables. Separate play areas in restaurants for parents to eat without disturbance. We are separating our world from them without realizing children do not need special things or areas. They mimic us, they admire us, we are their ideals. They want to do what they see us doing. I remember my son was never interested in rattles, rather my car keys were his first rattle. He loved playing with pots and pans in the kitchen and I have never put door-locks on my cabinets. I have never installed a baby gate on my stairs, my babies have learnt to go up and down, when they were 6 months old, I would just stand behind and watch them crawl up and down. And now when they are older, they put the sofa cushion on the stairs and slide down on it like a rollercoaster ride. My girls want to take hijab because they see me wearing it while going outdoors, and get ready putting on their shoes to go outside. They have associated ‘hijab’ with going outdoors.
The most difficult job for a parent in the process of letting his child preserve his ‘khudi’ is the patience for mess. There are times when I haven’t invited guests at home because I don’t have the patience to clean an extremely dirty home, sometimes with stubborn splotches of food on the carpet and sofa which doesn’t fade even after a 6th time wiping them rigorously. When my eldest daughter was 2 to 3 years old, she had a pretend Ikea kitchen to play with, she would always borrow some of my water, real bread, real grapes, some food colouring and create a dish to serve us. Children always love to play with real things or pretend things real. Today when she is 9 years old, she bakes banana bread with her father and cooks’ caramel pudding for us, loves to fry an omelette for her younger brother. My mother used to tell me “children like to play with recycling bottles, real juice packets, lids, cans and all the stuff they see us using in the kitchen, spoons and forks and glasses.” I have seen they can build amazing castles with paper cups. They watch and create real life hacks from recyclables. They are humans in tiny bodies, in dire need of acceptance in the society and respect.  However, it is our patience which is being tested sometimes I have to stop them from certain acts which increases my cleaning work, for example eating the mango ghutli themselves and rubbing it up on their cloths, on the chair, touching the table and my phone, eventually the ghutli is thrown in the cup of water and the cup is spilled on the kitchen floor. A European friend once told me, teaching them cleaning after the age of 7 is beneficial, this aligns with the Prophet’s Salalahu Alayhe Waslm teaching children salah at age of 7.

As observed in toddlers, there comes a phase where they want to feed themselves. They don’t want to be fed by parents, consequently the room to mess must be offered by the parents. If I force to feed them, there is yelling, kicking and flinging of food. As mothers, call this ‘pushing our buttons,’ or ‘pushing our limits’ but we forget they also need a room to discover, explore and experiment. Perhaps traveling offers children more to explore and investigate and supports parents in leaving things to be done by other people, such as cleaners, air hostesses, chefs and chauffeurs. Traveling diverts the parent’s attention to other things and children are learning as they interact with people, watch different cities, cultures, experience different hospitalities. They pick up emotional messages from everywhere they go and from every stare or gesture they receive from people around them. An experiment five years ago, suggested that babies are equipped with an innate moral compass, which drives them to choose good individuals over the bad. They can sense lovable vs non-loveable beings. Babies show signs that they know right from wrong, and when asked, they prefer a "helper" over a "hinderer." Even so, new research suggests other factors may be responsible for babies' seeming morality. Obviously, the idea that morality is innate is extremely interesting and, if true, would raise questions about which components of our moral system are innate, however when we doubt these innate systems, we develop distrustful relationship.
My mother sends us forwarded messages on the family Whatsapp group and nearly in every video message there is a naseeha or advice and underneath she always writes ‘must listen.’ I will admit I do not open all of her videos or naseeha’s rather I pick and choose, and if I am in dire need of it, I would just call and take her advice. The things I understand about life at my stage is different from my childrens’ I want to teach them all the things life has taught me, but they will be a product of their life experiences, what life will throw at them, their decisions, their walks of life will be different than mine. Their Shaakila (mould) will be shaped according to the opportunities they are provided. We are given a countless number of opportunities in front of us. These chances that we take and turn down is what shapes us up to be the person that we are. We are Learning animals; family, friends, relationships, love & hate, schools, careers, passions, deaths and opportunities make us Learning animals. Children are emotionally intelligent; they express openly and adapt to hide their feelings to protect themselves when needed.
Have you ever been so immersed in what you were doing that all distractions and background chatter just fell away? Nothing existed except the music and your thoughts, your skis and the slope, your car and the road. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, distinguished professor of psychology at Claremont Graduate University in Claremont, Calif., calls that state of intense absorption “flow.” (becoming engaged)
For decades, he explored people’s satisfaction in their everyday activities, finding that people report the greatest satisfaction when they are totally immersed in and concentrating on what they are doing. In studies by Csikszentmihalyi and others, flow experiences led to positive emotions in the short term, and over the long term, people who more frequently experienced flow were generally happier. Researchers have also found that people vary in how much they value having flow experiences, and in how easy they find it to enter flow. No matter what your natural tendency, recognizing how flow occurs (or doesn’t) in your life and creating opportunities for more flow experiences can be a potent route to increased happiness. From a Deen’s perspective I will call “Flow” “khushu” or tawassuff, no matter how much Islam we teach the other person, his connection with Allah is not in our control, we cannot experience his khushu and he cannot experience ours. Thus, a lot of times we have to give up teaching to expect the exact results what we desire. May Allah help us & our children experience the sweetness of khushu. Ameen
 

There are many worthwhile skills which parents directly can teach their children because they love their children more than anyone else. A hired tutor or teacher would not have that desired passion which a parent has. Few of the simple things, like painting, calligraphy and using Microsoft word was taught to me at home by my older sister and brother. My teachers at school would ask me, who taught me sketching and acrylic painting? It was something which was encouraged at home. My father is a mechanical engineer and one of his leisure was to spend afternoons under the car, fixing engines of other people’s cars. My brother followed his hobby and now he fixes his cars at home without the need of a mechanic or technician. My father is a retired Colonel from Pakistan Army, he designed tanks for Pakistan Army, he is very techy and finicky about getting things done right. He would thus do a lot of things himself, fixing his watch at home, fixing his shoes, fixing the AC, TV, water pump, door hinges and if he would hire a carpenter, he would teach him how to do stuff. My parents built their own house in their old age and were great in designing their house and guiding the architect on different plans. My mother asked me to design her kitchen on a paper in a rough draft to show the architect, she was sure I would put her mind on the paper, and I did so, our kitchen now is the same layout as I designed reading my mom’s needs. These are some valuable skills of life which came to us unknowingly through our parents and adults. I think there is a difference between worthwhile skills and worthwhile activities. Yet some of the other worthwhile activities which vanished growing up are laugh more & worry less, leaving things on Allah which are not in our control, having buffer time between daily routine chores, spending quality family time, cherishing each other’s talks, eating healthy food SLOWLY and staying in nature, specially spending more years of my life in Karachi, I have missed out on nature a lot! My older sister and brother disappeared from my life in high school, both traveled abroad for jobs and marriages. I realize how much I have missed them. I am a huge fan of spending true recreation time — re-creating yourself — in nature. Go for a walk or run an errand on my bicycle or on foot. True recreation should get your mind off our daily stresses and let our mind relax, and nothing does that like being in nature. I have heard that the colour blue is a calming colour, and what is more calming than lying on your back under a blue sky? Green is invigorating, and sunlight filtering through green leaves is the ultimate “green experience.” Watching sunsets (or sunrises), cloud gazing, bird watching, or watching boats on the harbor are all great outdoorsy recreation. Time in nature can be combined with exercise but doesn’t have to be. We all know that play is important for kids. Play teaches them coordination, adult roles, social interaction, and basic problem-solving skills. But somehow, we’ve fallen prey to the idea that play is only important for kids. “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”

Living is learning. It is impossible to be alive and conscious (and some would say unconscious) without constantly learning things. If we are alive, we are receiving various sorts of messages from our environment all the time
A notable hadith of The Prophet PBUH is that the best of you are those who learn and teach the Quran. From cradle to grave learning is a living act. Abu Huraira RA quoted another hadith from The Prophet PBUH which says ‘Verily, the world is accursed & what it contains is accursed, except remembrance of Allah & those who associate with Allah; & a learned man, & a learning person.’ (Tirmithi)
Indeed, when a child is playing, fidgeting or messing around exploring his synaptic signals become stronger, his neurons form new connections, and his brain grows. Anyone, who does not question around and ponder on the creations with his own lens can fall prey to any scientific (or unscientific) theory (or hypothesis) without his own practical observation.
When I was searching through the Homeschooling curriculums, I observed the famous ‘Singapore Math’ had constant repetition of Number Facts. It forces the child to sit for hours repeating the same Facts unless he has digested them and starts reciting them unknowingly. My son (Grade 1) was doing this tedious task, until one day he brought his colours and started colouring in the Exercise book rather than practicing more math. Practicing doesn’t make perfect, especially the concepts in nature will stay the same. Until we differentiate rote memorizing and conceptualizing them. Later, I bought ‘The good and the Beautiful’ curriculum, which came with a wooden box containing a dice, a set of Dollar paper currency, set of coins, fraction dices, 4 metal aircrafts including a rocket, helicopter, jetliner, and biplane. Now he plays in Math, a pretend shopping with Dollar currency, rockets have to skip through the maze etc. I am not against memorizing, rather it comes routinely with games in this curriculum.
Sometime during first grade most children will be told, and asked to write down and to memorize, that 2 + 3 = 5. This may be called a "number fact," or an "addition fact," or both. The children will almost certainly be given a list of such facts to memorize and repeat on demand. Their books and teachers will explain and illustrate this fact in different ways, such as showing a picture of two baby chicks, then one of three baby chicks, then one of five baby chicks, or some other "cute" thing that children are supposed to like.
​
Jay Wright Forrester defines mental models as:
The image of the world around us, which we carry in our head, is just a model. Nobody in his head imagines all the world, government or country. He has only selected concepts, and relationships between them, and uses those to represent the real system (Forrester, 1971)
A mental model is an explanation of someone's thought process about how something works in the real world. It is a representation of the surrounding world, the relationships between its various parts and a person's intuitive perception about their own acts and their consequences. Mental models can help shape behavior and set an approach to solving problems and doing tasks. A mental model of a Native American (Indian) will be different from a resident of Los Angeles. A modern man might ‘Google’ all his information in order to save the pain of hands-on learning; like Native Americans followed stars to go back home, or depend a lot on natural resources, ate pure and tayyib. Following Google maps back home won’t be a necessity for them, as per their mental model follows the stars.