TARBIYAH METHODOLOGY INCLUDES:
2. Name calling, ridiculing, shaming, empathising, supporting unnecessarily, interrogation, jokes which hurt other people are all communication Roadblocks.
3. Warning, admonishing, threatening destroys our relationship with our children. Exhorting, moralising, preaching, ethical lense of judging people, weighing out and then explaining, advising and giving solutions should not come too quick!
Truth doesn't need us, we need truth.
Do not leave our good habits for other people’s sake. Non-issues can be made a huge issue by making an issue out of them. Arguments in a family are usually love oriented usually when perceptions are different.
Neither we focus on 'life after death.' Nor we pay an “opportunity cost” for Deen. We do not have 'Love and Fear for Allah' that is why we are not ready to pay the opportunity cost for deen.
When we are controlling everyone in relationships, we are focused on (Duniyawee) materialistic gains. Controlling others seems very powerful yet temporary.
Other’s children are also our children. We can also guide them with love and care.There is a lack of community which works for Togetherness, establishing Nourishing Traditions & Tarbiyah of children. People would genuinely care about other children and their parents would not mind as well. This is not on material things, this is on values too. Thinking about and correcting a neighbour's child nowadays is impossible. Because people are over protective of their children.
When homeschooling, Do not explain to people why we are not sending our children to school? Do not doubt anyone’s intention. “I know you love my child, I am working on my child right now”
2. REFLECTIVE CONVERSATIONS (what, why how to talk to children?)
A conversation that promotes reflections, it's a meaningful talk between people which could make them feel & think what to do. Minimum time to have Reflective conversations with a child can be roughly is 30 minutes. This totally excludes backbiting, shopping, materialistic brand talks.
Two people conversate, listening, ‘thinking’ & talking. Talk about ourselves, our actions, our feelings, improve our understanding, question things, think over and ponder on things. For example; discuss an advertisement on Coke, and think how can drinking Coke make us muscular?
Deeper reflections mean nurturing intellectual growth.
Why should we engage children in intellectual reflective conversations?
So their imaginations, deeds, and actions can be magnified in the eyes of Allah.
So, they think about the consequences of their deeds. We engage children in reflective conversations to built their Character. Human beings are Intellectually and emotionally stronger beings who use their multiple intelligences, to prepare and use the mind for higher order functioning.
If we only think about what to eat, what to wear? We are not using our brain to its full potential. Our brain is made to think deeper on small things.
Higher order functioning depends on the ability to reason, imagine and reflect.
3. SELF ACCOUNTABILITY
How can we inculcate Self-accountability in our children?
If a child is coming to us to talk out we should listen to him rather than ordering him. Instructions & criticising do not play a good role in communication.
REASSURING, SYMPATHISING, CONSOLING A CHILD: When a child is frightened and comes to us with intense feelings. His feelings need acknowledgement. First acknowledge his feelings. Hear him out, this is a need of this child. Sometimes consoling him with just “hmmm haaan” is enough. This much response without being emotional is needed here.
Then after few hours or days, when he is left on his internal judgement, his thought process tells him whether his feelings were okay? too emotional?
ORDERING AND DIRECTING will not help him analyse his own-feelings. In order to boost his self-analysis & intellectual thinking we should prevent giving solutions. This helps a child to take decisions in his practical life.
CONVERSATIONS should be plentiful. Observe him, ask him, talk about good memories. We cannot set a fixed time for “reflective conversations” but we can have a Family Time for meaningful conversations.
Whenever my children ask me a question about Allah, the sun and earth, about cities, food, animals, babies, I note them in a diary. Do my research and explain them. I never follow a coursebook for Science, we create real projects perhaps a diorama, raise caterpillars, grow vegetables in the kitchen garden, make rainbows with mirrors. Children love project-based learning. As a Pharmacist, we have done Project-based learning in Pharmacology laboratory. I remember I injected a guinea pig with a sedative, and he never woke up! I killed him due to overdosing it. I can never forget the effects of drugs which I have practically witnessed on myself. To my surprise, we are educated enough to take ‘side-effects’ normal and not apprehensive of their long-term effects.
I remember the drug Thalidomide, it was hailed as a "wonder drug" to treat conditions such as insomnia, morning sickness and depression in pregnant women and licensed in the UK in 1958. But it was withdrawn again in late 1961 after an Australian doctor identified an increase in the number of deformed babies born in his hospital and found that all of the mothers involved had used the drug. By then around 10,000 babies had been born worldwide who either had shortened arms or legs, or no limbs at all. All controls, research-based evidence and science behind this was recorded yet no one knew was havoc it will play with human life. At times, even doctors are under so much pressure to follow the FDA regulations that they cannot practice medicine with their own understanding of drugs and human body. I look at them as conventional children, caged. What is the point of being educated if we cannot behave like one?
Allah says in the Quran, "If the sea were ink for [writing] the words of my Lord, the sea would be exhausted before the words of my Lord were exhausted, even if We brought the like of it in [continual] supplement." (Al-Kahf  : 109)
Allah says that even if those oceans were ink for the Words of Allah, and all the trees were pens, the pens would be broken and the water of the sea would run dry, and the Words of Allah would remain, for nothing can outlast them. For no one can comprehend the greatness of Allah or praise Him as He deserves to be praised, except the One Who praises Himself.
Our Lord is as He says He is and He is beyond what we can say.
The blessings of this world, the beginning and end of it, in comparison to the blessings of the Hereafter, are like a mustard seed compared to the entire world.
Ar-Rabi` bin Anas said,
"The parable of the knowledge of all of mankind, in comparison to the knowledge of Allah, is that of a drop of water in comparison to all of the oceans."
Hence, the true outcome of Project Based Learning is to understand our Lord, the Great Majesty. Humanbeings reach a higher spirituality by knowing the uloom (of Duniya or Divine uloom). In the end he discovers there is a Creator who created these Uloom, they cannot exists on their own. And if that Creator made them, He has made them for a purpose. If we find out through this learning journey what Allah uz Jal wants from us? This will be one big achievement in identifying false gods around us.
Such an education which build our bond with Allah, is the right beneficial knowledge! seeking this, is Ebadah (worship) and struggling in this path is Salvation to Allah.
For children playing is learning. Pretend play, acting roles, themes, performing arts they involve in a Learning activity. Children involved in body & mind coordination have polished writing, reading, socialising skills. They have better understanding of the world. Like John Holt said "Children use their fantasy to get into the real world & not to get out of it." By fantasy it means pretending that his toy is rescuing a lego person. My boys pretend to play with Train heroes. They create a problem and their Train heroes solve them. Children are very good Preoblem solvers. Hisham (my youngest son) was trying pass his train through the bridge. His train was crashing all the times. My oldest son, Zayd helped him. Children help themselves. And this is how they build relationships.