2. EMOTIONAL NEEDS OF A CHILD ARE:
1. UNCONDITIONAL RESPECT:
It is an emotional need of a child to be respected all the time. Especially in times of failure. When a child loses hope in himself. We should be hopeful that he will achieve his passions and earn a living. Any failure is not the end of his life. There are many fields a child explores & a failure in one does not define him as careless or heedless. I remember my eldest son Zayd (3 years old) would hit his younger brother (who was a baby). The baby would do baby stuff with Zayd's Train tracks, that is mess up his tracks and chew them. When I met his Preschool teacher, I complained to her that he hits at home. Is he okay in the classroom? does he hit other children? She exasperated with denial and said “He is the smartest child in my class and I Love him. I have never seen a single behaviour issue with him.” That's where I realized I should not intervene between the two boys. And they have grown out of it now.
Do not humiliate them by passing sarcastic remarks. Children are emotionally smart and can read unsaid messages. For example, talking to Zayd about hitting “why are you hitting your younger brother?” Will not make him think WHY am I hitting my younger brother? On the contrary, he will think ‘my mom doesn't love me.’
Reading the book ‘Sibling without rivalry’ by Adele Faber helped me cope with this problem. Boys will be boys & do childish things!
When a second child is born, the first child feels neglected. Fill his time with love warmth. A child might throw tantrums, behavior issues & exhibit anger. He is unaware of his feelings and cannot describe in words. Tell him respectfully “not to hate & use hands, you can say it verbally.” The feeling that my parents love me too, should pertain! Some children hit because they are the ‘centre of attention’ and do not want to compromise on that.
A child gets emotionally mature when he slowly detaches from his mother. A child experiences ‘separation anxiety’ because he thinks that he is a part of his mother. He learns with more exposure that the world is a place to live.
2. UNCONDITIONAL TRUST
How can we earn the trust of a child? Spending quality time with children creates a strong bonding. Listen to him and keep a strong eye contact. The Prophet Muhammad used to look at a person and listen to him meaningfully. Keep positive and realistic expectations of your children. Be positive that he is capable of achieving goodness. Looking at a child’s interests, strengths & aptitude can help parents predict his career choices. Anticipate his interests, do not force him to pursue a career which is not his passion. This shatters his self-esteem and confidence. Constant comparisons kill him silently, this can be mentally challenging.
3.CORPORAL PUNISHMENTS:
There should not be any Physical consequences: Bad behavior is addressed respectfully. Discipling a child by putting conditions on his respect can be very harmful. These are behaviorist’s techniques used in corporate world. He owns this respect as he owns his life! We have to address the child’s needs. Fill his need of warmth, caress, gentle strokes through his hair and love.
Children want this assurance all the time that their mother and father love them! Fix a date individually with all your children. Spend solo time with them.
Stories is a big tool to have mind talks with your children. Talk, arguments, debates should be a norm in the house. The need of ‘love’ never fulfils a child’s heart. Sometimes even adults want appreciation and love.
4.PAMPERING:
'Praise Junky' parents spoil children with unwanted praise. Fulfilling all their demands, spoils a child's personality. And his expectations from life become unrealistic. People get successful by working hard and praying. We do not achieve anything by crying or complaining. Pampering spoils their behaviour, we have to be firm and set rules to discipline them. We should say “no” to things which we incapable to do as parents.
Regards,
Minaam Jamil
(About the Author)
- Unconditional Respect
- Unconditional Trust
- Corporal punishments (having realistic expectations)
- Pampering
1. UNCONDITIONAL RESPECT:
It is an emotional need of a child to be respected all the time. Especially in times of failure. When a child loses hope in himself. We should be hopeful that he will achieve his passions and earn a living. Any failure is not the end of his life. There are many fields a child explores & a failure in one does not define him as careless or heedless. I remember my eldest son Zayd (3 years old) would hit his younger brother (who was a baby). The baby would do baby stuff with Zayd's Train tracks, that is mess up his tracks and chew them. When I met his Preschool teacher, I complained to her that he hits at home. Is he okay in the classroom? does he hit other children? She exasperated with denial and said “He is the smartest child in my class and I Love him. I have never seen a single behaviour issue with him.” That's where I realized I should not intervene between the two boys. And they have grown out of it now.
Do not humiliate them by passing sarcastic remarks. Children are emotionally smart and can read unsaid messages. For example, talking to Zayd about hitting “why are you hitting your younger brother?” Will not make him think WHY am I hitting my younger brother? On the contrary, he will think ‘my mom doesn't love me.’
Reading the book ‘Sibling without rivalry’ by Adele Faber helped me cope with this problem. Boys will be boys & do childish things!
When a second child is born, the first child feels neglected. Fill his time with love warmth. A child might throw tantrums, behavior issues & exhibit anger. He is unaware of his feelings and cannot describe in words. Tell him respectfully “not to hate & use hands, you can say it verbally.” The feeling that my parents love me too, should pertain! Some children hit because they are the ‘centre of attention’ and do not want to compromise on that.
A child gets emotionally mature when he slowly detaches from his mother. A child experiences ‘separation anxiety’ because he thinks that he is a part of his mother. He learns with more exposure that the world is a place to live.
2. UNCONDITIONAL TRUST
How can we earn the trust of a child? Spending quality time with children creates a strong bonding. Listen to him and keep a strong eye contact. The Prophet Muhammad used to look at a person and listen to him meaningfully. Keep positive and realistic expectations of your children. Be positive that he is capable of achieving goodness. Looking at a child’s interests, strengths & aptitude can help parents predict his career choices. Anticipate his interests, do not force him to pursue a career which is not his passion. This shatters his self-esteem and confidence. Constant comparisons kill him silently, this can be mentally challenging.
3.CORPORAL PUNISHMENTS:
There should not be any Physical consequences: Bad behavior is addressed respectfully. Discipling a child by putting conditions on his respect can be very harmful. These are behaviorist’s techniques used in corporate world. He owns this respect as he owns his life! We have to address the child’s needs. Fill his need of warmth, caress, gentle strokes through his hair and love.
Children want this assurance all the time that their mother and father love them! Fix a date individually with all your children. Spend solo time with them.
Stories is a big tool to have mind talks with your children. Talk, arguments, debates should be a norm in the house. The need of ‘love’ never fulfils a child’s heart. Sometimes even adults want appreciation and love.
4.PAMPERING:
'Praise Junky' parents spoil children with unwanted praise. Fulfilling all their demands, spoils a child's personality. And his expectations from life become unrealistic. People get successful by working hard and praying. We do not achieve anything by crying or complaining. Pampering spoils their behaviour, we have to be firm and set rules to discipline them. We should say “no” to things which we incapable to do as parents.
Regards,
Minaam Jamil
(About the Author)
